And later I got to know too much.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Another mistake.
And later I got to know too much.
Friday, March 12, 2010
She has left, but she is not gone.
At the time of writing this, she is on her way back to her native country and her city of more than 12 million souls. But I am unable to see it's magnificent castles, squares, marketplaces and oceans of life. To my inner eye this city is quiet, and consists only of an image of her.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Frustration.
“Her heart withdrew into a safe which I didn’t have the combination to”
I heard this quote recently; it was spoken by a man that helped stop the Vietnam War. He risked his life and the welfare of his family by disclosing top secret documents to the public. He used the quote to describe his fiancées reaction to all the uproar and publicity suddenly surrounding them.
I have had the exact same feeling, experienced under very different circumstances. I think the words illustrates the helplessness and frustration one feels at that moment. Also knowing that I am the reason for it, for her pain, the one I love more than anything, how could I hurt her so much?
I am the nothing man.
Closure, not what is that, how does one go about getting that? Do I really want closure? I think part of me fears that I will forget her, that if I let her go, I will also lose a part of myself.
I recently learned that that there might have been a chance for our relationship, if only a sequence of events were changed. Just a small hand gesture, a touch, and our whole relationship could have been different. How it would have turned out, I will never know.
I would have been the first in-line for test pilots in at a time machine test facility; unfortunately, I am yet to find such an advertisement.